Chapter 534) Tapestry Of A Teenage Girl’s Heart

“So in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breakin’ down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you”

Chestnut Ridge
Kershaw Ranch
Weekend following the party

Bri had been talking while following Jackson around, going here, going there, back and forth, doing this, then that, lifting hay bales, wheeling in horse feed, shoveling it into feeders, cleaning and oiling saddles … all with her at his heels, stepping in front of him only for him to turn and walk off, over and over again, as she was pouring out her heart to him, trying her best to explain things she barely fully understood herself.

How could you love two guys? It was kind of unlikely, probably impossible and definitely improper.

A choice had to be made, she made it, and she was hoping he would understand, maybe even agree. Maybe he would hold her, like he usually did, maybe he would tell her everything would be all right, like he often had, maybe they would cry together, mourning a young love that just never was viable. But he didn’t hug her, barely looked at her, and she wasn’t even so sure he heard all she said.

When she had run out of things to say, she watched him, waiting for him to react, to respond, but he didn’t, just kept on working, until she grabbed his wrist.

“Were you even listening at all?”

“Yup.” was all he said, before pulling his arm away, resuming his tasks.

“That’s all? Just ‘yup‘?” in her voice was true disbelief

“Yup.” he said, then walked off to grab a bucket and a shovel to address some new horse piles his free-roaming horses had created in the meantime.

“Jackson, do you not care at all about what I just said? Did you even hear any of it?!”

“Not deaf.”

“And your reaction is to shovel shit? That’s it?”

“Are you the only one allowed to shovel the shit here? Cos you have been doing a mighty fine job.” Jackson finally reacted, looking grumpy.

“Excuse me?”

“I said everything you said is BULLSHIT! Huge steaming piles of it. BULLSHIT! Did I react enough for you now?” he glared at her.

“Wow, go down a notch! Look, I knew you wouldn’t be happy about this, that is why I tried to be so gentle about it. But you don’t have to insult me. It’s not bullshit, it’s honesty and my future, and yours too. I never lied or pretended, I always said you and I had no chance. You knew that. You agreed. So don’t act you couldn’t see this coming.”

“You said that, and I took it, when we first started doin’ whatever it was we were doin’, until you kept coming back again and again, started telling me things about the way I make you feel and how you couldn’t wait to see me again, how much I meant to you … that was a gamechanger to me. It made it real to me, I have told you many times since you started talking sweet that I changed my mind and wanted us to try. I don’t know how, just … something, anything! Maybe we never had a chance, maybe we did, now we will never find out. I should’ve caught on that you weren’t sincere when you never even wanted try to make it work between us, just instantly shut me down the moment I brought it up. Maybe that should have told me all I needed to know about ya. But no, NOOOO, I thought you were real. I was wrong. A grade A fool. They say if someone shows you their true self, believe them. I should not have doubted what you were showing me. I was a tool for you, to make the other guy jealous, and boy, do I feel like a tool now!” Jackson’s voice was deep and angry.

“Wait, what do you even mean by all that? I never lied to you. I wasn’t using you.”

“A mistake, Bri, all of it. You were a mistake, and I was a mistake. But you are making the biggest mistake right now.”

“Huh?”

“You are making a gigantic mistake. He won’t make you happy, he can’t. He’s not the type of guy you need. You will regret this.”

“Are you threatening me or something?”

“Are you stupid?! Where the heck did you get a threat out of me saying you’ll regret this choice?!” Jackson sounded upset.

“Well, sounds like a threat, still.”

“You know what, Bri? Go to your blond friend over there with his fancy ride and chug on back to wherever it is you two came from. I am busy and got nothing more to say than what I already said.” his tone changed from upset to extreme annoyance.

“My blond friend? That is Jasper, as you well know, you know him for just as long a time as you know me, he was always there when Iris and I came to see my brother, all the way up until he and his parents moved away, so don’t act as if you never seen him before, rude enough that you don’t even go say hi! So, that’s it? Just a ‘you will regret this, Bri‘ muttered cryptically in a low voice? What kind of movie are you rolling here?!” Briar Rose clapped back.

“It’s called real life, Bri, I don’t get the luxury to live my life out in movie scenes! I also told ya that you’re makin’ a big mistake.” he got up in her face for those words.

“No, you said ‘gigantic‘ mistake. Go on trying to judge me, all high and mighty, when you can’t even correctly quote your own nonsense from minutes ago!” Bri retorted, her tone oozing sarcasm, as she wasn’t happy with his reaction, but it only made Jackson’s face darker, as he suddenly roared, loud and angrily.

“Neither can you, I said the ‘biggest mistake of your life’, and you weren’t listening, but what else is new! This stops now, right here or I can’t guarantee what I will do next. GO HOME! Go to your rich friend and have him take you home to your rich boyfriend and spend your parents’ money together. Just all y’all GET LOST AND LEAVE ME BE!”

Jackson’s response sounded almost like a growl as he walked off with big, fast strides of his long legs, making it hard for Bri to keep up. When he turned to go into the house, slamming the front door shut behind himself so hard everything on the wall rattled scarily before Bri could even reach the bottom of the stairs to the front porch, she halted, staring after Jackson.

Finally, she looked over to Jasper, who was leaning against his car, so she shrugged and walked over to him.

“So – that went well, huh?” Jasper said, sarcasm dripping off his words.

“Ya think? What gave it away, my faceprint on the outside of his front door from when he practically slammed it on my nose or the part where I was running after him like a lost puppy trying to get him to hear me? There was just no talking to him. I have never seen him like this. He is usually so easy to talk to, and gives great advice, always so level-headed and mature … but not today! He was a big grumpy baby, let me babble my lips off, barely paying any attention, then just snapped at me with some doomsday ‘you are making a mistake, Bri, you will regret this… blah blah’ and then he yelled at me and slammed the damn door in my face! Stupid ass!”

“Sounds like we’re done here. Ready to go or wanna go say bye to Stryker?”

“Are you serious?! No, thanks. I like Stryker, but not THAT much that I would willingly go back for seconds of trying to deal with Jackson’s PMS symptoms. Take me home, please. I am so done. I knew this wasn’t gonna be an easy talk, but I expected to be talking to Jackson as I know him, not a cranky unreasonable 19-year-old toddler! Getting a root canal would be like a dream vacation after this crap! I think after we get back I will lay in your hot tub and stare at the stars and the cityscape till it’s time to go to bed. Maybe I’ll drown. One can only hope.”

“Au contraire mon frere. I will drive us home, where you are going to the guest room to get dressed up in your band tee and jeans and sensible shoes, grab some glowsticks and then we’re driving to pick up Oakley and we’re going to have the time of our lives at that open-air concert we told our parents you wanted to go to with me. You’re not gonna blow the cover and out me as your accomplice in this ‘have to tell Jackson in person‘ rouse. I did my part, now you do yours. And you will be having fun, cos goddammit I said you so. Copy?”

“Jasper … seriously?” Bri pouted.

“Yup.”

“Argh! If you say ‘yup‘ one more time, I will punch you in the groin!” Bri sighed, plopping into the passenger seat, slamming the door shut so hard it popped Jasper’s ear drums, even though the top was down on his convertible.

“That’ll be a fun night.” Jasper grimaced.

“Shut up and drive, as fast as this car will go!” pouted Bri, clearly fighting off her emotions, losing the battle fast, so Jasper took her hand and held it while she leaned over and cried into his shoulder while he took them back home.

Author's Note:
In their argument about misquoting Jackson ('gigantic/biggest mistake'), both are right and wrong at the same time, which may be too subtle a between-the-lines nod at their whole situation and go unnoticed, so I felt like pointing it out here.